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Married to a pediatrician for 16 years. No children because he wouldn’t go to fertility clinic that’s close to my office and only willing to go to the one next to his office. Knowing how many times the wife needs to go for appointments I gave up, because otherwise it means I have to quit my job. We both work in the healthcare industry and help each other out with our career. I could feel his heart wondering away this year. A woman’s sixth sense won’t lie. It’s my 50th birthday this year. No gifts no surprise trips nothing. He didn’t even bother to checkout the Christmas gift I bought for him.

Yesterday he said he has a workshop in the evening which gives him CME points. I checked his location later and found him at capital grill. I used to work a block from capital grill and go there for lunch all the time and never heard them hosting workshops. And CME workshops are announced on website publicly months in advance but I couldn’t find any for yesterday. So I called the restaurant asking them if there is a Private event and of course the answer is no. Around 10pm he sent a message to me saying he is on his way home. I saw his message which he booked the dinner reservation and asked the girl out and said he was nervous because he hasn’t been on the market for 16 years now. I sent a blunt message: how was your date? I didn’t sleep last night at all and felt like a zombie all day today. He already got a lawyer and I need to find one quickly. The only comfort I have is that I do not have any children with this guy who may end up resemble him.

Welcome to SI, the best club nobody wants to join. At the top of the forum, there are some pinned posts we encourage new members to read. The Tactical Primer is a good place to start. There are some other great posts that aren't pinned that you can find by their bull's eye icons. The Healing Library is at the top of the site.

His A (affair) is 100% on him. Nothing you did or didn't do, said or didn't say, caused him to cheat. He cheated because he wanted to.

If you can, IC (individual counseling) with a betrayal trauma specialist can be helpful. If you have trouble with depression or sleeping, ask your doctor for some meds. If you think there's any possibility that he was physical with somebody, please get tested for STDs. Practice self-care and focus on your healing.

You're right, they do try to publish and broadcast CME events pretty well.

So sorry you're here.

I am so sorry. Isn't that rich, a doctor who works with children all day long yet who all these years of your marriage refused to see if his lack of offspring possibly was due to him, but who now thinks perhaps it's time to give up on what you two have so he can "sow some wild oats?"

Maybe this isn't his first rodeo, I'm thinking...but in any case, it hits you at a terrible time, and the only blessing for you is that you did NOT bear this man any children. Was he ever married before?

Please keep posting, this is terrible timing on so many levels. 50 is a milestone of maturity, and no matter what happens with him YOU have a LOT of living in front of you. I'm almost 75. Hang in there!

I’m so sorry for you. We all understand your pain and devastation.

To be rather blunt, your H is a coward. The fact that he has an attorney so quickly means this is planned. He’d rather run away and D then sit and have an open honest discussion.

He’s been checked out for awhile. I’m certain it was just a meter of time before it came to this.

It’s terrible to feel as though you are being discarded so easily. That has to hurt the most.

You are going through something no one wants to experience. You are correct a woman's sixth sense rarely lies. I'm sorry you're going through this. You were spot on with checking up to see if your intuition was correct.

Unfortunately it was correct and now you are faced with a ton of emotions to process. Give yourself time to process. Expect it to come in waves. You may feel empowered one minute, and hopelessly lost the next. Both are valid feelings.

If you don't plan to get couples or individual therapy or work toward reconciliation, then I would research attorneys with good reviews. You want one that isn't too aggressive but is reasonable and logical. They will reign you in when off the path, and they will stand up for you when you need it most.

If you have a joint account take out half the money and keep it separate. He can clear out anything that has both your names on it, so be proactive. Many have been blindsided by their spouse hiding assets or cleaning out the bank account.

Best advise, get all documents, taxes, financials, pension, 401k, stock or anything similar and start putting questions together to ask an attorney. Information is power, and with that you are in the best position to negotiate if you know where you stand legally and financially. Google what to include. Remember not to use your attorney as a councilor, they charge $300 an hour and that will get pricey fast if you do. Think logically like a business transaction, not emotionally.

He may try to walk this back. He may not. You might not want to let him. All paths you have to decide for yourself. Reach out and don't be afraid to vent and get help from those that have already been down this path. Lot's of great people, no one judges and it's a safe place to talk. Lots of topics that can help you along the way, and we are all here for you.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. No one expects it when it happens.

The speed of things is both telling and concerning.
If this took place on the 18th and on the 19th he already has an attorney then the concerning part is that this is premeditated. If that’s the case there is the risk that he has been preparing, and one thing a 60 year old doctor does not want is to lose "his" money. As in an equal distribution in divorce.

Added to comments like the one about the fertility clinic... Makes me wonder if he’s controlling and/or extremely self-centered. I don’t have experience with fertility treatments, but I think that the ratio of male-required attendance and female-required attendance is probably 1:5. Of course, a committed want-to-be-father would do his best to be with his partner in as many appointments as possible, but REQUIRED is probably closer to my ratio. So I’m thinking his reasoning is really about control, and by setting conditions that he knows will either make it impossible for you to get fertility treatment, or add factors like stress to minimize chances of success.

The above make me a bit nervous about your next steps...
His "attorney" might be an empty threat. Maybe he’s showing you that HE has the power, and plans to use a comparable strategy as the fertility clinic and bulldoze you to compliance. One clue might be if you know who his attorney is – if it’s the same one he uses for deeds, malpractice, wills etc then it’s probably a threat. If it’s a reputable divorce attorney... different story.

I suggest you google on divorce in your state/country. Does infidelity factor in any way (seldom does) and what level of proof is needed.
Start gathering evidence – like screenshots of his communications with Bambi.
More importantly – get as much financial information as you can.
Know anyone that has divorced? Call and ask for reference to divorce attorneys.

He might be posturing, and I don’t know what you want. If he were to ask for forgiveness and a chance to reconcile I don’t know how you want or would respond. But based on what you know NOW I think you have to pray for sun, but prepare for rain.

Thanks everyone for your warm and wise words. We had a talk yesterday after work and he said he wants to move out. I told him if he will stop this extramarital relationship and only wants to move out because I found out then he doesn’t have to. But if he wants to carry on then that’s not acceptable. I paid for background check for his date on 18th and found that she lied about her name, occupation, material status, and used a virtual phone number instead of her main cellphone number. I hesitated whether to tell him because he might get angry, or am I still hopeful he will wake up and see her real face? I decided to tell him because I want to give him a chance to see what the reality is. And I told him that while the OW has been lying to him about everything, he used his real name and phone number. I don’t know what she is up to but I am worried about being scammed and financial loss for our family. He said "do you really think I’m that dumb"? Well seems the intention for reconciliation is not there. At least I can tell myself that I tried.

As for the attorney I saw his conversation with his attorney yesterday and seems he got a referral from him for a divorce attorney and just paid retainer fee. I just got name from a friend who recently finalized divorce. It gets real now. And thank you for the advice for not using attorney for emotional counseling. I think I need to find a IC sooner than later. And thank again for the support on this forum! We are going to my cousin’s place for Christmas and I didn’t want to cancel because I don’t want my parents to find out about this yet. My dad had a stroke not long ago and I don’t want them to worry about me unnecessarily when rehab is what they should really focus on, especially when they couldn’t do much about this.